trials and errors trials and errors trials err
Do not ask me what time it is, I have nowhere to be. I cannot move, I am pinned beneath a heavy, humid blanket. Look at this structure, this syntax, I'm like an overfed dog lying limp with a clogged heart pulsing too hard. By the end of this singular breath, I will be incorporeal.
I have so much of myself today. So much of hard flesh, so much of failing heart. This body has become unbearable in its sickening abundance. I exist entirely in this rare hour, the rare hour reeks of raw sugar. Yet I feel a deep, abiding disgust for the fact that simply being who i am demands so much life, so many gallons of blank, meaningless time. But today I have all of myself except the chipped tooth, the bruise on my shin, the dishevelled hair, the certainty, the age-old discontentment, the faithful fallibility. I grow accustomed to this containment.
Clunk, I stopped this lifetime five years ago. This body is mannerless. I have the ego of a tall child, of an incomplete adult. Haste, I slip outside of every place I have known. I am still there, but I am not at all, and I haven't been here since all died. Little pale velvet moths sticking to the soft and mushy bones of the ribs. All was poisoned, all was desecrated, none remained, and the softer things died.
I touch the lowest of skies with spit on my finger, the winds don't go where I am to go. There is this snob of a sea into which I sink my heel, but the salt burns my skin, I am not theirs. There is unbelonging in everything and everything is transient, all this glory, all this displacement. My home is not in the sky, nor it is under. I am no one’s everything, and no one belongs to me. I belong to the cracks of earth, under trees, under dry wells, under this long stretched blue tapestry hanging violently over the head like a noose.
The architecture of the cosmos is dental. I have seen God. It looked like the gold tooth shining in the dark back-mouth of my grandfather. I have seen hell. It looked like his tobacco-stained, brown, ruined molar. And that is the theological spectrum. That is the only distinction for it in my eyes, that's how I see what is and what is not, what is sacred and what is profane.
xx
you know you're a genuis right
absolute brilliance